Since my husband and I got married 12 years ago I have been buying snowflake ornaments here and there. Mostly I buy them after the holidays when they are on sale but sometimes before when I find ones I really like. The range of them go from inexpensive to more expensive. The last few years my FIL and his wife (2nd marriage) have hosted a "Snowflake Games" every January. They invite all their friends over and have organized games with prizes, eating, etc. It has become a big deal. And every year they borrow all my snowflake ornaments, snowman decorations, etc to totally transform their home into this wintry wonderland theme. I have never minded boxing up my snow themed decorations for them to borrow.
Last year they took 15 of the snowflake ornaments, strung them on fishing line and hung them from some track lighting in their basement. It did look festive and fun. And they have stayed there all year. My husband’s step-mom is kind of kooky and if she loves something she does for a themed party in their basement then she tends to leave it up for good. So my snowflakes have hung there for the last 10 months. I have heard from others that I may not get them back but I just couldn’t imagine someone would borrow something and purposely never give it back. So I waited… and waited… and waited.
Finally, on Thanksgiving I made my husband ask his dad about them. His dad finally told him that they would like to pay for the ornaments and keep them. Really? Just told us! Didn’t ask us if it was an option or request them nicely. Last time I was there I glanced at them and I think most of them are inexpensive… $3-5 a piece ornaments. But a few of them are more unique and fun and to replace now (before Christmas) would probably be up to $10. Not to mention that I would have to drive around to different stores looking for ones I like. I don’t want to go to one store and buy 15 of the same snowflake. That defeats the purpose of all these years picking up a few each year.
How do I handle this? How much do I tell them? Oh. I also feel bad because my FIL is a wonderful man who has helped us finish our own basement and comes here to fix things for us whenever we need him. He will never take money but we do pay for a dinner out for him probably 2-3 times a month hoping to repay him in that way for all his work around our house.
I think my biggest beef is that they didn’t ask. They just hung on to those 15 ornaments for 10 months and then it was up to us to request them back only to be told we weren’t going to get them.
Please, serious help answers please! This is family and I put family on a high regard. I will not cut off contact with them. I will not jeopardize our relationship over it. I just want to know what way I should respond and if there is a way to nicely voice our hurt feelings? Plus! What do we do when they ask for our decorations again THIS January?
Forgot to mention… we are estimating that the replacement cost at an average of $6-7 a piece would be $100. One suggestion that a friend had was to tell my husband’s step-mom "Merry Christmas" and call it her Christmas prestent. Then take the money I would have had in my budget to buy the ornaments.
I like your thinking about giving it to her as a Christmas gift and use the money to replace what you please..
That way you can let it go and move forward without resentment.